


The Emails

by KimberlyAlexis



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV) RPF
Genre: Amanda is a bit not good, Australia, Dialogue Heavy, Drunk Texting, Emails, Emotional Affairs, Emotionally Repressed, Freebatch - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, NYC, Not the kind lady we once called queen, Phone Sex, This is a work of fiction, Unresolved Sexual Tension, email, snl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:31:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 15,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8145851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimberlyAlexis/pseuds/KimberlyAlexis
Summary: Martin Freeman doesn't like to call, text or facetime. But he does email Ben.  Filming in Australia, Martin has found himself bored and reading a book of questions to get to know yourself and others. He's emailing Ben and posing these questions and Ben is responding to the emails and questions.....***Does what it says on the tin.





	1. Chapter 1

Ben,

Haven’t had a chance to return your call. The timezones always play havoc with catching each other so email it is. So to answer your questions: Yes, I am enjoying Australia. Have found lots of unexplored record stores. Also some good little cafes making lots of good food that I’m more than enjoying. Weather is nice and I’m getting a much needed break from a few things. And what else? Yeah I’m down for meeting up in L.A. when I’m there next. No idea when that’ll be to be honest.

I’m not really ready to commit to dates now as I have a few things on and I’m sure you do as well. How’s little Chris and Sophie and all those sort of questions. Fill me in on that.

In between filming I’ve been reading this rather ridiculous book of questions that I hate myself for picking up at the airport. Still it fills the time and also gives me a more interesting way to end this email than just signing off. Right. So just going to pick a page at random.

Okay.

Question #37: What is a childhood memory that still embarrasses you?

Actually that’s a good one. Looking forward to your reply.

 

\- Martin


	2. Chapter 2

Martin,

It's really very good to hear from you. Email, as always, is fine. I know you prefer it. Though I hope you don't mind if I still call occasionally. One can never go too long without hearing your dulcet tones frustratedly stating: “You've rung me up, but please don't leave a message unless it's absolutely necessary.”

To your questions: Chris is remarkable. He's growing every day. He's said quite a few words now and we’re working on full sentences. He can pull himself up and stand. He took his first step but tumbled down not long after. Still that one step seemed more momentous than anything I've ever experienced in life thus far. Makes me think I've gotten it right if it lead to him. Sophie is also fine. She's been working on a new opera. And it seems to be coming along fine.

I'm more than willing to play on the questions front but as I type this imagine I'm doing a stellar Tony Hopkins impression...quid pro quo, Martin. Quid. Pro. Quo.

I suppose it's not horribly embarrassing, but I still am quite ashamed that during my school's nativity play I pushed the little girl playing Mary off the stage because she was awful (and okay she was hogging the light). I feel I've grown out of that, but then again I'll be pushing another Mary off the stage pretty soon with Sherlock so maybe I haven't.

So I don't have a questions book thus all my questions will come from my head and well I can't help but use this opportunity to get to know the mysterious Martin a bit better so here goes.

When we read together for the first time, what was running through your head?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Xoxoxo,

Ben


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Ben,

In my mind you do a thoroughly shite Tony Hopkins impersonation. This may be because I was talked into drinking an Australian beer. Apparently that equals about ten of our pints and my mind somehow blurred you morphing into Tony Hopkins morphing into Sean Connery. Not sure why my mind took that leap, but there it is.

What was my first thought? I think you're rooting around for first impressions of everything. Well I was a bit worried because I was in a fuckin awful mood because of the whole business with the wallet beforehand. So everything sort of is skewed a bit from there. Well I liked you immediately of course. I mean I hated how handsome you were (and don't reply with some dumb joke about it because you were...notice I did write "were." You're just awful to look at now). I was annoyed that I’d be this weird, small man acting opposite you. But you were talented and you cared about the words you were saying even if they'd written a horrible script (tell Gatiss and Steven I said that. This always seems to up their game when I say things like that). And I thought it could hit. You never really know when something will catch on, but I really thought it would. And I’m sure we’ve all mentioned it but I definitely felt the chemistry straight off. Which was a good thing. Definitely made me want the role more.

Today we were filming this bit with a lot of blood and I’m in desperate need of a shower so I’ll cut this email short.

So let’s keep up the random page and question bit.

Question #87: How long can you hold a secret?

Well that’s a bit boring, but there it is.

-Martin


	4. Chapter 4

Well ,Martin, not sure what I’m supposed to say about the whole calling me handsome thing if you won’t let me make a joke about it. You do realize I have the face of a horse? That’s not a dumb joke. It’s a reality. James sent me a joke once. It goes: “A Benedict Cumberbatch walks into a bar and the barkeep says why the long face?” It’s just a reality that I’m a horse-face fart in a bath. But I do appreciate the compliment no matter how accurate.

The chemistry was a bit weird and I’ll be honest that I’m still rather surprised at it myself. I’ve actually not experienced that while acting opposite anyone else and in a way that shows how special the show is and how I’d be a fool to leave. But it also is a bit worrying. What if I never experience that sort of instant connection again while working? Will I never enjoy acting as much as when we’re doing the show? Does that mean in a certain way everything after the show is going to be a lesser experience in comparison?

Don’t mind me. It’s a bit late and I’ve found myself in a bit of a mood. Most likely because I know all the press for the Strange premiere is coming up and even I got sick of me after the last time I had to promote a film so thoroughly. Here’s hoping I don’t put my foot in my mouth on a constant basis. 

Filming with blood? What kind of film are you doing? Doesn’t sound like your type of thing. Actually that’s wrong isn’t it? Fargo and Start Up both had you dealing with blood a rather lot. Still tell me about the film. And if you need me to come film a cameo just let me know and I’ll be on a plane in hours. I can play a rather convincing dead body if necessary.

And to your question. I suppose the longest is about 6 or 7 years. It’s sort of still ongoing. And I think it’ll be one of those things I take to the grave. Some things are better left as secrets. Don’t worry it wasn’t that I killed a man just to watch him die. Just something that has to be left a mystery.

So your question is…

Do you honestly want to keep doing Sherlock until we’re old? I know we all say it because it’s the easier thing to say, but we’ve never discussed the reality of it.

Looking forward to your reply.

XO,

Ben


	5. Chapter 5

Fuck. I don't know. It's a good gig isn't it? I still worry that it'll all be pulled out from under me. That they'll get tired of seeing this weird faced man in things and that'll be that. So to say “Yeah, we’re done with Sherlock” isn't just to say goodbye to you and others but it's a loss of something that sure isn't a big paycheck but is a rather good way to spend time and ensure people see my face and hopefully want to book me for a thing or two.

I don't know really. We could have some good stories in us until the very end, but also maybe we wore out our welcome and people get rather bored. And we started doing silly stories. Really how many times can they bring back Andrew?

As much as I complain about the busy days with people on set and the issues of will they or won't they.... I like having it to go back to. It's good work.

Now about the rest. Well I think you'll always find good actors to work opposite so let's not dissect the chemistry too much. Maybe neither of us will have that again. So yeah we are lucky it did happen.

Film is about zombies but not that kind of zombie film. It's about a father trying to find someone to raise his young baby before the virus takes over him. He's been infected. She hasn't. The world is pretty desolate and awful. So he needs to journey to find someone. He only has a general idea of where to go and a hope he will get there in time. I'm not ashamed to say I teared up at the end of the script.

I can't help but ask since the timing is far too coincidental. So your 6 year old secret.... Anything to do with the show?

And finally. You big, dumb moron you’re fucking handsome. AND you also have a long face. They're not mutually exclusive. I've seen gorgeous horses. Majestic I think is the word.

 

And your random Question #22: What's your favorite Karaoke song? 

Fondly,

  
Martin


	6. Chapter 6

Do you really think I'm handsome?

-Ben


	7. Chapter 7

You're not satisfied with half the world thinking you're handsome and stroking your ego daily? You need me too?

-Martin


	8. Chapter 8

No, it's not that. And you're skirting the question!

-Ben


	9. Chapter 9

One might say the same of you. Actually two questions. 

-Martin


	10. Chapter 10

Fine. What? The secret doesn't really have anything to do with the show. I'm not fussed about Sherlock secrets. All will be revealed in time. Plus you know those anyway. It doesn't matter.

And karaoke songs? Just a few of Bowie’s though it's been harder since he passed. I've not said before, but I feel a weird sense of guilt about it that. David Bowie was a fan of the show and a great man who was bisexual. He definitely would see what we’ve set up. There were those stories which might not be true but you never know. The ones that said he was looking forward to the next season of Sherlock. And I'm just rather sad that he won’t get to see where we could take those characters. It's a shame. And definitely a regret of mine. Nothing could be done. We didn't know. Still.

The film sounds like I'll be tearing up at it from start to finish. And with you in it then I might find myself in need of bucket for my tears.

My mind is a bit mush right now so yours is the old standby of what's your greatest fear? You don't have to answer if you don't want. You can just tell me a few new songs to add to my iPod. I always enjoy your music recommendations.

Xoxo,

Ben


	11. Chapter 11

Greatest fear? It's a rather boring answer but it's death. I want to keep on living forever or at least for a very long time. And though I'm passed the age when my dad died, I still think about it and all that entails. I don't want to leave my kids, this world behind. And who knows if there is anything next, but I know I'm very lucky right now and I don't want to lose it. And if there is a hell then I am doubly fucked. Maybe literally. And not in the good way.

Amanda sent me photos of you singing with Pink Floyd? How was that? I mean obviously quite an experience. But how did that happen?

 

I thought about the same when he died. It's nothing we could have done. If we had known we'd have revealed all of the plot and acted out every scene he wanted for him. But I do hope there is something else that comes after and I hope he gets to somehow see it all go down as it were.

Pretty busy on set so I'll keep this short. 

 

Right so Question #65 What advice do you wish someone gave you ten years ago? Mine would probably be to give less interviews because I can't look back on one without thinking if I didn't fuck up what I was saying then they did. What's yours?

 

-Martin


	12. Chapter 12

P.S. I am working on a playlist for you of more songs you should definitely have on your ipod. 

 

-Martin


	13. Chapter 13

I look forward to the list. Your taste in music is nonpareil...as you well know. ;)

Advice? Oh God probably I'd just say be patient. I'd encourage myself to be bold and make moves when you have the opportunity. It's actually advice I'd still give myself to this day. 

And thanks for that about the interviews, now I'm doubly nervous about the upcoming press tour. Not only is it leaving Chris behind for quite a while, but all the other shit involved is just rather exhausting. Worst part of this whole thing. Of course I'm exceptionally lucky to be doing this, but still I hate this part of it all. 

I was simply asked to do the Pink Floyd thing and I jumped at the chance because how could you not? It's a rather amazing experience. I'm not a singer at all, but everyone belts out songs every so often and wonders what would it be like to be a singer on stage, commanding an audience with only your voice and a melody to help you along. The rather stupefying feeling stays with you the entire time you're on stage and even hours later. I was still abuzz with energy the next day. Felt like I could conquer any fear. I had to stop myself from making rash decisions because I felt high. It was a rather compelling glimpse inside their world. 

You mentioned Amanda for the first time in a while. I don't mean to pry, but I suppose that's what all these questions are. Is everything okay there? You don't have to go into details. Just if you need to talk...

 

Xoxoxo,

Ben


	14. Chapter 14

Ben....That's getting into some dangerous territory.  But I suppose alright might as well tell someone. Mostly Me and Amanda are fine. I mean isn't that the line? The one you're supposed to say even when things are shit. It's a relationship with ups and downs like any other. We've had more downs over the past year but such is life.  And I've not been doing much about it myself. Which I think is very telling. I've always said that people should put in the effort and work at relationships, but I just don't have it in me right now. I fell in love with her many years ago and things were great and made even more great when we had the kids. And we've both worked fairly consistently. But things keep going a bit farther in my career than in hers and that seems to be a matter of contention. She has a right. I can't imagine what a jealous asshole I'd be if the shoe were on the other foot as it were. But it would be nice if there was a bit more support on her part. And I feel like I've done my bit of trying to help, but not overstep. So there's been some disagreements. And we somehow unofficially retired the rule about me working away from home for too long. I'm often away from home and we've come to an understanding in a way.  But this is a down period and I know I'll need to put in more effort to help get us back to where we should be. I just, and this is going to sound awful, can't be fucked right now. Right now I want to be there for my kids and I want to do a few jobs that I enjoy and I want to not be fucked with it right now. Which is fairly shit of me, but there it is. But mostly we're fine. Or as close as you can get to it when you know there's a looming problem that's growing and neither of you are dealing with it.

But on to other things or similar things. I notice you said you're leaving Chris. No mention of Sophie. Same thing. I may be inferring a lot from one line, but maybe not. Not to pry, but are YOU okay there? I'll repeat your line about not having to answer, but I'm good for a listen. Maybe even a phone call if you need it. Just you'll have to figure out the timezone thing.

 

Okay for lighter news the dailies are looking pretty nice and I read over the new outline Gatiss sent over. Going to be an ambitious shoot. What did you think of them?

 

And your Question #70: Who is your favourite superhero? I'll add the caveat that it can't be one you played.

 

-Martin

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Things are fine or rather a complicated version of "fine." Sophie is a lovely person and I adore her. Everything she's given me and allowed me to share is amazing, but there's more to it. Ya know it's something I've been trying to work on...mentioning both her and Chris. I do miss her when I'm away, but he leaps to mind first. I'm not sure I'm up to saying more. So I'll beg off if you don't mind. 

 

Favourite superhero? Not a clue really. Never been one for many of them. Any of the man's...super, bat, iron they all seem fine I suppose. I just read  _Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet_ and I'm rather taken with T'Challa as a hero. Powerful stuff. Have you read it yet?

 

I'm sorry about things with Amanda. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. If there's anything I can do there... Make a call or try to open a door that might get her something. I think we left the door open with Sherlock, so maybe we try something else there? Maybe this time it _is_ twins...

 

Jesus we're a pair. The world is too fucked up for us to feel bad for ourselves. So many others have it far worse and I hate that I've been spending so much time lately feeling bad about so many things so tonight I shall be imbibing far too much alcohol. I'd invite you, but I think you'd have to decline due to the being on a different continent. Still I encourage you to have a drink on me tonight and should I email you incoherent ramblings be a sweetheart and delete the thing immediately.

 

XOXOXO,

 

Ben


	16. Chapter 16

Benedict:

MArtin Martin MArtin

Martin who will delete these texts and never respond.

MARTY FREE 

That should be yours rapper name

It’s half past two and I quite inebriated and I wanted to write an email but I change the pass this morning and I dont remember it and going to need more gaculties to reset thing later. Factulies that dont work as well when you’ve had quite a bit ofscotch and vodka and gin and i probably should have stopped 

Before i got this drink.

But is nice. Very nice to feel not..wrong for a bit.

Rhodey has put me up in his guest room and soph has nannies and chrissy is okay and for this moment I am….just for me...not all for me..but for me..just for me.

I hipe you are well. I hope that you woll be okay. I think about that a lot.

 

Martin: 

My God just how much did you drink tonight?

 

Benedict:

Martin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Martin:

That’s a lot of exclamation points. 

 

Benedict:

I’m just rather pleased. I won’t use anymore. Pomise.

 

Martin:

We’ll see.

 

Benedict: 

What time is it there?

 

Martin:

Noon. Just sitting around waiting on a set up.

 

Benedict:

And this is the time you chose to response to my messages.

  
  


Martin: 

I have impeccable timing. Everyone always says.

 

Benedict: 

No one says that. 

 

Martin:

You just haven’t met those people who say it.

 

Benedict:

You must introduce me the nexxt time 

 

Martin:

Ha. I will at that. So did getting drunk make it all better?

 

Benedict:

Yes, everything.

Well. Some of it.

Actually none of it, but it helped me forget a bit. Jus t a bit.

 

Martin:

Ben.

 

Benedict:

Martin.

 

Martin:

What’s wrong?

 

Benedict:

You shouldn’t ask me that now.

 

Martin:

Why not?

 

Benedict:

Because I will tell you and y ou don’t wantto hear this.

 

Martin:

So your secret was actually that you once killed a man to watch him die.

 

Benedict:

Ha no. No, it’s much worse than that.

 

Martin:

Two men?

 

Benedict:

Martin…

 

Martin:

Ben, whatever it is. It’s fine alright? I can’t imagine you hurting anyone or anything really. So you’re probably beating yourself up for nothing. You’re well cared for and I think you know that. So you don’t have to tell me or anyone what it is. I think you just have to forgive yourself for whatever it is that’s causing you such worry.

 

Benedict:

Martin, I love you. 

 

Martin:

Well I’m very lovable so that makes sense.

 

Benedict:

No, I mean. God.  Fuck my battery is at 4%.

 

Martin:

I’ll email you then. Save your battery life for an emergency.

 

Benedict:

No, let me say this now.  Okay?

 

Martin:

Yeah course.

 

Benedict:

Martin, I am in love with you. And I think about it a lot. I mean qiute a lot. And I’ve tried not loving you. And I’ve tried to ignore it and done a pretty good job of it, but I still do. And you’re handsome and I have a fart face. And you have someone and I do too and I wish I didn’t love you.   I’ve found such joy in caring for you, but I also know it’s wrong. Not because of any interalized homophobia but because I know I’m not meant to love you. I’m not the one for you. But I still do. Desperately do really.  My God what must it be to kiss you.  And I am so sorry to tell you that because I know it really fudges things up, but it’s true.

So there it is.

That’s it.

Oh God say something.

Shit. Please say something.

Martin?

  
  


Martin:

I think you can use “fucks” instead of “fudges” in this instance.

 

Benedict:

You’re probably right.

 

Martin:

Ben…

 

Benedict:

Don’t say anything. I can’t hear it now. I’ll email you.  Okay? Going to bed now. And tomorrow we’ll pretend and just give me tonght. Please. 

Please!?

 

Martin:

Okay.

 

Benedict: 

You will email me right?

 

Martin:

I will.

 

Benedict:

Thank you.

 

Martin:

Sleep well.

 

Benedict:

I’ll try.


	17. Chapter 17

Ben,

I have started and stopped writing this email a few times. I don’t know what to say really. I suppose that’s not shocking given what was said. Oh fuck I sound like some uptight asshole don’t I? Fuck. I just really don’t know what to say and I want to tread light, but you’d know that isn’t especially me and you’d hate me for it. I also want to respect what you said and not make a joke about it all when that’s the much easier way. So I’m just going to keep writing and try my best to stay honest and straight with you. That was not a pun, but it happened and so I’m going to leave it where it was. Maybe it’ll make you laugh. Maybe it won’t. I’m hoping for the former.

If I’m being honest I always knew and I think you did too. We always played with it a bit. Blurring the lines between our characters and ourselves a bit. And you can’t spend that much time on set with someone without falling a bit in love with them. Well I mean you can’t if they’re an asshole, but you’re not a total asshole and so that made it easy. We both flirt with each other. We both sometimes take it a bit too far. We both don’t know when to draw back the line. Thing is in another time, another world. If I hadn’t met Amanda. If you hadn’t met Sophie then yeah it probably would’ve turned out much different. Though things still got pretty close when we were in the states that time and when you came down to the set and everyone left us to our own devices and the premiere and hell a dozen other times. We’re attracted to each other and neither of us are scoring low on the Kinsey scale.

But it can’t go anywhere. I kinda thought it would be an unspoken thing between us and we’d never go anywhere with it. And maybe I should’ve put a stop to it myself earlier, but I enjoyed it. You mean a lot to me, Ben. You’re a friend. And this isn’t that other time or place. I did meet Amanda. You did meet Sophie. And the idea of us doing anything that could hurt the people in our lives...it just doesn’t seem like a smart move. I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know. I wish it were different. But if we were those people that could hurt those we love then I don’t think we’d be in this situation.

I can’t end this email without letting you know that if I hadn’t met her and had two amazing children then it’d be you, Ben. There’s really not a doubt in my mind. I’d try to fight it. Falling for a posh asshole like you would be just awful, but in the end it’d be you.

It’s likely you’ll want to take a break from talking and I get that. I do. But if we’re going to move past this then I think we have to keep it up. We can call or text or email. I’d even be up for a visit down here. We have all the corpses we need, but you can always hang out on set and listen to all the Sherlock theories I keep hearing

I’m going to keep the questions going. Ignore if you want, but I’ll keep asking so you might as well.

Question #42: What is a perfect day for you?

-Martin


	18. Chapter 18

I appreciate your tact. I understand that you’re right. Of course nothing could or should be done with it. If only we could just forget everything….but I know it’s not possible. Thank you for what you said. Not sure it makes it better or worse. To know things were so close to being different. If we find a way to go forward with our friendship then I suppose things simply must change.

I must apologise for my behaviour. Deplorable doesn’t begin to describe it. I keep mentally rewinding it and wishing I could just stop typing. If only I’d stopped drinking earlier. If only my battery had died just a few moments earlier. If only so many things that would have stopped me speaking and ruining our friendship. You’re right that I think some time away would be helpful.

My perfect day probably exists in that other world if I’m being honest. Or perhaps I’m being a bit melodramatic right now. Probably the latter. I’ve had some lovely ones in this one.

Just give me a bit of time. If that’s okay with you. And we’ll move past or move on. Will see you in December either way.

Thank you,

Benedict


	19. Chapter 19

“Fuck that!”

“Who is this?”

“Oh you know who this is. Unless you’ve gone truly mental and deleted my number...and somehow forgotten my amazing voice.”

“Martin? What time is it there?”

“Ten past six. And I’ve got to be on set in ten minutes time. So we don't have much time to waste getting you past whatever ridiculous ‘oh lets take a break’ bullshit is running through your mind.”

“It’s not ridiculous.”

“It is.”

“Is not.”

“Ben, I have two children and I’m well versed in this game. Trust me when I say I’m going to win it.”

“Stop making me laugh.”

“So that too? I can’t contact you and now I’m not even allowed to make you laugh. What else has been banished by King Benedict?”

“Oh don’t act as if I’m being silly.”

“Silly? No, not silly. You’re being a fuckin nutjob is what you are.”

“Why? I just said give me time to tuck my tail between my legs and try to get over being incredibly embarrassed that I...you know.”

“That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It was a very bold thing you did. Ballsy even.”

“Yes, very bold to get drunk and tell your castmate that you want to shag them. Bloody bold indeed. The queen is calling me up for a knighthood on the other line. Please hold.”

“That...that’s actually quite funny.”

“Stop laughing.”

“I can’t. You’re funny.”

“Shut up.”

“Well you are...you obviously picked up quite a bit from me.”

“Yes from you and you alone. None of those years of training or actually working on comedies had a thing to do with it.”

“What I figured. Yep.”

“.....”

“.....”

“Martin…”

“Ben, I’m not going to stop talking to you. That won’t help a thing.”

“Oh now you decide it’s important to keep in touch? Not when I was desperate to hear from you because it made every day better when we spoke. Not when I was wondering if I was doing the right thing with Sophie. Not when I bloody called you three times before the announcement went out. No, you wait until I’ve poured out my stupid secret desires in a disgusting puddle in front of you.”

“Why did you say poured out in a puddle? Instead of the normal secret vault do you imagine yourself to have a secret bucket?”

“What?”

“I mean if it’s a secret bucket no wonder it didn’t pour out before. Really very irresponsible of you, Ben.”

“Martin…”

“Ben, you ever wonder why I keep such a distance?”

“Because you’re an….asshole?”

“Pffft.”

“I mean a lovable one, of course, but ya know ...distant asshole who just ignores people.”

“I return all my friends calls. I text a lot. I email a lot. Not one for facetime or skype or anything, but I keep in touch. Ya know family and friends... the people you care about.... That’s what makes life worth living, Ben. And you don’t think I return my friends messages?”

“Oh. I see.”

“Doubt that.”

“You, you don’t consider us to be friends.”

“Got it in one.”

“Well. We should um-- I am very sorry to have um, overstepped the boundaries of our….working relationship. I should, I should go.”

“Ben, stop. You’re not a friend. You’re more than that. Okay? That’s why I keep such a distance. It’s a fine line between what we’ve...done and , well, the rest. And I’m faithful. So I keep that distance for a reason. Because I want to, Ben. I want to and I know I shouldn’t.  Since we met. I've known. You really didn’t read the email did you? It would be you, Ben. It would be you! But we…..we can’t.”

“Why?”

“Ben….”

“I know that sounds….naive. But why not? If we both want it then why not? Relationships change all the time and….we get but one life, Martin.”

“And you want to spend part of that hurting people who love us?”

“No, but...if I could spend some of it with you, really with you, then….I’d take whatever chance I got. As flowery and ridiculous as that sounds. And if you meant what you said…”

“I meant it. God of course I meant it. You’re an idiot if you think otherwise. An idiot with dumb cheekbones and I don’t even know why I fancy you.”

“You….fancy me?”

“Despite the previously mentioned hideous cheekbones, yeah.”

“Then...we should at least explore…”

_“Mr. Freeman, sorry,I know you said call you 'Martin the most extraordinary actor in the world.' Mr. Um….Martin, can you come to set? They’re ready for you.”_

“I’m needed on set. I should uh…”

“You should.”

“So um--”

“I have a question for you….you can email. You don’t have to answer.”

“Okay.”

“If I could get away for a few days, would you like me to come visit?”

“Ben, I don’t that th-…”

“Email me. Think about it and email it. You know I always like getting your emails.”

“Well they’re very interesting emails.”

“They are at that.”

_“Mr. Martin the most extraordinary actor in the world…..”_

“They’re calling.”

“Bye Martin.”

“Bye Ben.”


	20. Chapter 20

Ben,

I’m writing you to say that I understand. I really do. Martin is a very charming man. And he’s handsome and well we’ve always known about you. Even had a bit of a laugh about it. How you ogled him every so often on set and during those awkward press events. And I’m sure you’ve come to realize by now that Martin is very much happy with me. I’m not upset. I really hope we can continue to work together. And though there were changes to Mary’s character I think we can find a way around that in the end. After all I’m sure you would want Martin to be happy and none of us would want anyone finding out the little secrets we all keep. Now would we? Of course not. Now you must understand that I simply want to make sure the father of my children remains in our life and I’m willing to do what must be done to ensure that. That's why I've emailed you from his account today. And we can keep it between us. I'll delete this from the sent folder. You can let this infatuation go and move on. Your wife and child, just like Martin's wife and children would want that as well.

Hugs and Kisses,

Amanda.


	21. Chapter 21

  
Hi.

So I've thought about it. Of course you should come down. Regardless of everything else its been a while and it'd be nice to see you. I’ve a few days off around the 6th of October. If you have it free you could stay the weekend and I can show you all the glorious Australian sights. To be honest that wouldn't be much as I've not gotten out as much as I'd planned when I took this gig, but we could find something. So yes please come down. We should figure this out in person.

:)

Okay I immediately regret the use of that smiley face thing. But I just wanted to convey the idea makes me happy.

Though I suppose I could just say that…

Which I've just done so I could delete the smiley thing.

Ya know what? Nope. Leaving it in.

-Martin


	22. Chapter 22

Martin: Ben?

Martin: Ignoring my emails now?

Ben: Sorry can't talk.

Martin: What's wrong?

Ben: I think we should just keep it professional. Goodbye.


	23. Chapter 23

Missed Call Martin Freeman (3)

Martin: Pick up the damn phone, Ben.

Martin: I don't know what you're playing at here and I don't like games.

Missed Call Martin Freeman (4)

Martin: What the fuck?   
Martin: Jesus. Ben, don't do whatever it is you're doing.   
Martin: At least tell me if you're okay and what is happening.   
Martin: You bastard. Fuckin knew it.   
Martin: Can't trust a posh bastard like you.   
Martin: Good thing the show is done for now. You total fuck.   
Martin: Ben, just tell me what is wrong.   
Martin: Fuck.

Missed Call Martin Freeman (2)


	24. Chapter 24

Martin: “He...yep.” what?

Ben: What?

Martin: Your interview. You were joking about how you look up to me and then you ended it by saying “He...yep.” Then you stuffed your mouth with food like a little piggy and stopped talking.

Martin: I want to know how the sentence ends.

Ben: Doesn’t matter.

Ben: Sorry I’m busy. Can’t talk.

Martin: Ben…

Ben: And I wasn’t joking

Martin: Ben, are you ever going to tell me what happened?

Ben: I just realised we should keep it professional.

Martin: When the hell have we done that? 

Martin: No need to start now.

Ben: Martin, I really am busy. Strange press all this week. 

Martin: In the states?

Ben: Yes, and the Asia push as well. Still there now.

Martin: So we’re closer in time zones.

Martin: Might mean we can have a conversation or two.

Ben: ...Yes.

Ben: But we could always talk. Phones function across time zones.

Martin: It’ll just be easier, yeah?

Ben: I suppose.

Martin: Good.

Ben: I have to go.

Martin: Fine.

Ben: How did you hear about the interview?

Martin: I’m not an idiot. I know how to use Google Ben.

Ben: You Googled….me?

Martin: Don’t make it sound so dirty.

Ben: Why would you Google me?

Martin: Now it sounds just filthy.

Ben: Martin…

Martin: I’m not immune to being curious every so often. You saying you never Googled me?

Ben: Might have done. Once in a while.

Martin: Well then. 

Ben: I really do have to go.

Martin: Alright.

Ben: So you want to call me?

Martin: Maybe.

Ben: Maybe?

Martin: Yep. Maybe. 

Ben: I was going to say, “He’s someone I aspire to be more like.”

Martin: Ahhh.

Martin: Curious what stopped you.

Ben: I really do have to go…

Martin: Okay.

Ben: But...I’d enjoy talking if you do decide to call.

Martin: Good.

Ben: Until later, Martin.

Martin: Bye Ben.


	25. Chapter 25

Ben: I miss the questions. 

Martin: Really? Why?

Ben: The quid pro quo was nice. 

Martin: Ahh. 

Martin: We don't have to play games for you to ask me a question you know. 

Ben: I know.

Ben: Just makes it easier. 

Martin: Okay, but you have to agree to answer mine and I'll ageee to answer yours. 

Ben: Okay.

Martin: With complete honesty. 

Ben: Yes, of course.

Martin: Okay first question...Why did you change your mind about....things?

Ben: Because Amanda emailed me. 

Martin: What? When? How?

Ben: Nope. My turn. And you don't have to answer immediately because I'm about to step on stage in Korea for an interview. 

Martin: Okay

Ben: Have you ever thought about it?

Martin: it?

Ben:Yes...us...doing that. It. And they're calling me a third time. Talk later. Yes?

Martin: Yea. 


	26. Chapter 26

“Mm ‘lo?”

“Why are you still asleep? Night shoot today?”

“Whad’you mean?” 

“It's half past three in the afternoon there.”

“Ben, I'm in London.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“So yeah not odd to find me in bed at five in the morning.”

“Oh God. I'm so sorry, Martin. I thought you were still in Australia. Is the film done?”

“Mostly Yeah. Some reshoots maybe later, but unlikely. Been back here a few days. Finally getting over the jet lag. ”

“And I go fuck it up by waking you at dawn.”

“Mmm,” Martin yawns. “Pretty much.”

“I'm so-”

“Don't keep apologizing. It's fine. Besides I'm happy to hear your voice.”

“Really?”

“Mmm hmm. Say things to me in that famous Benedict Cumberbatch voice. And stop blushing.”

“How do you know I'm blushing!? You can't see me. “

“I know you well enough. Now go on. Lull me back to sleep.”

“So you want a bed time story?”

“No, I don't want a fucking bed time story. Do I have to spell it out for you? Tell me sexy things. Like what you wish you could do to me right now.”

“Martin!”

“Oh you're not about to go on stage are you? Cmon.”

“Not quite. But... it's just...won't Amanda hear?”

“Don't bring her into this. And she's not here.”

“She's not? Where are you?"

“No no. Stop avoiding. I'm alone in bed under the sheets. Wearing nothing and my left hand is drifting south. Make up for the early call and put me to sleep with nice thoughts.”

“I-I.”

“Go on.”

“I can't think of a thing to say.”

“Shall I lead you in the scene?”

“Please.”

“Let's take it back. It's a few years ago. You've shown up on the Hobbit set. And this time when I ask why you've flown twenty hours you don't fuck about with some dumb lie instead you say…”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Good. And then?”

“And, and um when you invite me for a drink that night and I, oh my god were you interested then? Is that what that was about? Oh my god. You-you were! And I made up some dumb excuse about early plans the next day and--”

“Ben, this isn't the least bit sexy.”

“Sorry um. So where was I?”

“I had invited you round mine for a drink.”

“And I graciously accepted. And I showed up wearing that jacket you like. And I was very suave.”

“How so?”

“I said --um-- I said uh fancy meeting you here.”

“That's your suave?”

“It is. It's good.”

“Um.”

“Well what would you say?”

“Hmm. Well. Let's see you came round mine for a drink and you were wearing that jacket I like and hmm maybe something along the lines of ‘I like seeing you in that jacket’”

“Okay….”

“Then I'd move in close and say ‘But I'd love to see you out of it’ and I'd follow this up by pulling you close and nibbling at your neck. Your beautiful neck.”

“Oh that would um. That'd be um--.”

“And I'd lead you over to the bed and lay you down.”

“Oh.”

“One hand would drift down to the waist of your trousers. The other would tilt your head just so. Giving me just the perfect angle to kiss you until your head spun.”

“Wha-what would you do next?”

“I'm not sure. What would you want to do, Ben?”

“I'd um want to um, um.”

“Go on.”

“Iwouldwanttosuckyou.”

“What was that? You kinda blurted it out as one word.”

“I said um --I’d want to suck you.”

“That could be arranged.”

              “Ben, they're almost ready for you.”

“Oh God. I've got to go. I'm sorry.”

“No, don't be. I'm going to be thinking about that as I fall back asleep.”

“About me? About me um sucking you uh off?”

“Yep.”

“Oh. Um. Good. Well good.”

“It is yeah.”

                  “Ben!”

“I have to go but if I could um add one thing?”

“Go on.”

“I would swallow you all the way down. Gag reflex conquered ages ago.”

“Nice.”

“C-call you later?”

“When the sun is properly up,yes.”

“Okay. Bye Martin.”

“Bye love.”


	27. Chapter 27

Ben,

 

Supposed I have to apologise yet again for missing your calls. Thank you for calling. I wanted to talk to you.I really did. But it’s been a bit...well not busy. That’s not the word, but something quite close to it. I think I owe you a bit of honesty about things. So I’ll just out with it.

 

Earlier this year me and Amanda had it out. This lead to me getting my own flat in Soho. The idea was for it to be a temporary thing. Something when we both needed a break. We’d tell the kids that dad was away making a film. We thought the time away would give us room to figure things out. Because I loved her and she said she loved me and we wanted to work this out. 

 

And then ….look I’ll just swallow my pride and say it. She fuckin’ cheated. And ...look I know in a way it’s my fault because I should’ve been there when she wanted me to be. She asked me to not take the last few gigs, but I still did because I loved the scripts. I should’ve made the sacrifice. She hasn’t booked anything in a while and I knew it was bothering her. Didn’t mean she had to fuck someone else but…fuck ...nevermind. It’s my fault. She said it and I accept it. I really do. So I tried to move past it. We did the counseling. We talked more. I made it a priority to follow the exercises the therapist gave us. But... I don’t fucking know. Nothing seemed to get us past the hump. When the hell did it all go so fuckin wrong? 

 

I don’t want to spend the whole email whinging about this, but it is what it is…

 

Tonight we told the kids their Dad will be living in a different place for a long while, but he'll be able to visit often. This isn’t as honest as we could have been, but it was all I could stomach to say. They both seemed to take it okay. But I suppose we won’t know until years later when they’re both in therapy saying their idiot of a father ruined their lives by not being able to keep their mum happy.

 

I just need to keep trying. Don’t I? For them.  And for her I suppose. I do love her. Or...I did.

 

Fuck.

 

FUCK.

 

Tomorrow I’m supposed to drop by and pick up the last of my things. A few albums and clothes. But I’m not sure I can do it. 

 

So. I suppose the reason I’m telling you this is because I haven’t told anyone.  And because you of all people deserve to know. I don’t know what we’re doing, Ben. But leaving my home is like stabbing myself and ripping my own guts out. I feel this shit while ending it with someone who kicked my heart the fuck in. As far as I know Soph’s been wonderful to you. I don’t think you could hurt her. So where the fuck does this leave anything? I don’t know.

 

I’m here in London for a bit. And I assume you’ll be busy with press for a while. So we really don’t have to decide anything now. And not sure we should. Maybe the decision has already been made for us. And it’s not a good one.

 

But I want you to know I’ve enjoyed the emails and questions we’ve shared lately. They’ve been a wonderful distraction with a great person. Thank you for that, Ben. And thank you for giving me a bit of your heart. Its helped mend mine. But if you need to take it back...I understand.

 

Love,

  
Martin.


	28. Chapter 28

Hey Ben,

 

Been a few days since I sent that last email. And alright I get why you complained before. Doesn't feel good to not hear from the other party. Ever. So I'm going to be better about that with you regardless of what happens with everything. But also I do figure you're a bit busy. Did a bit of a google search and you're zipping all around the place. Hope it's going well. I'm in Soho for the end of October. If you're here do you want to share a meal? Maybe chat about the upcoming press in December?  If you're busy with press then I get it, but figured I'd take the chance. I suppose I just want to hear from you. But I get that you're busy. You know what I'm going to do?  Work on a few songs for you and that'll use some time. Got a few invites to some shows and things I might accept, but...don't know. Kinda' feel like staying holed up for a bit longer. Not sure why. Hope you're having fun, Ben.

 

XO,

 

Martin


	29. Chapter 29

Hey Ben,

So been a few days. Hope you’re okay. I’m shooting a new thing soon. So you’ll get to hear about that if we talk soon. As promised I put together a few songs for you. Since you’re always whinging that I only recommend you songs that are “older than God” then I made sure to include only recent songs...well mostly. You get five songs and if you reply then maybe I can find five more for you.

Holla if ya hear me--Kweku Collins  
Lay Down--Son Little  
Release You--Tom Misch  
Miracle--Don Trumpet & The Social Experiment /Chance the Rapper  
We Can Talk--The Band

Hope you like them. I chose them with you in mind. Some of them say some things I’d like you to hear, but mostly they’re just good tunes.

XO,

Martin


	30. Chapter 30

"Hi."

“You answered.”

“You called.”

“I’ve been calling for a week, Ben.”

“What!?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know! Emily and Karon’s been watching my phone during the past week since I’ve been non-stop busy with interviews and such. They’re supposed to let me know what’s important and sift out the rest.”

“I see.”

“No! God no. Not like that.”

“No, it’s fine. Just wanted to see if you were fine. You are. So I’ll say goodb--”

“Martin, Stop. Please. Stop. I’m sorry. I really am.”

“S’fine.”

“But I really am. I’ll let them know. They-they should know. You’re important. Your calls should be returned immediately. Especially since you so rarely call.”

“If you check your call log for the past week you’ll find that’s not a true statement anymore.”

“I’m pulling it up now.”

“Well you don’t have to do that---”

“You called three times!”

“That’s a lot for me ya know. Stop laughing. That means I picked up the phone three whole times.”

“Oh God. I needed that laugh.”

“Well happy to help. How are you?”

“I’m good. It’s been going mostly fine. A few hiccups here and there, but it’s definitely more enjoyable to do press when you don’t have the weight of a bio on your back.”

“I can see that. I can see that. You in the states now?”

“No, no. not til next week. Just finished up a few countries in Asia and hit up a few other places in between. Today we’re finally home. Actually going to see Mark’s play tonight.”

“You’re here?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. That’s...good.”

“It is. I-I was going to call, but it’s such a short period of time and I figured we...um. Not sure how much time we um..would…”

“I hear you. You’re right. We would.”

“I’m sorry about, um, not that we have to talk about, um, your email.”

“It’s okay. I’m, I think, finding a way to move on.”

“Is there no hope there? I mean. I don’t mean to pry.”

“No. I thinks it’s over. Ya know I confronted her about the email she sent you. She denied it at first, but she’s lied about a lot of things over the years and this was kind of the topper. Couldn’t really find a way past once it seemed like she didn’t even feel bad about it. Ya know.”

“Yeah.”

“And I don’t know. Neither of us are perfect. But maybe it’s old age, but I can’t really have a partner I can’t trust. One life and all that. You try to make something work. You keep at it. You do everything you can especially when there's little ones involved, but at some point ya know…”

“Yes…. um I have something to tell you.”

“Okay.”

“Sophie’s pregnant again. Little girl this time we think.”

“Ahhh. Congrats Ben. That’s--that’s really lovely.”

“I think so, yeah. But um that means I can’t...I mean I want to still, but….”

“Our timing is pretty shit huh?”

“Very much so.”

“Well I get it. I do.”

“I’m not asking you to….wait But um…”

“But?”

‘“Would you mind ….waiting a bit?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. Not sure that’s...I don't know the word for it….healthy?”

“That’s fair. I’m….. sorry.”

“Me too. Me too.”

“..........”

“Ben, we can’t just sit on the phone in silence.”

“I don’t want to hang up. Feels like when I do then this will be over.”

“It won’t. No matter what we see each other in December. Still have the show.”

“What if I die in a tragic accident while hosting Saturday Night Live?”

“Very possible.”

“I know. They could possibly storm the stage because I’m so horrible.”

“Extremely possible.”

“They can’t figure out what kind of monologue to write for me. And I can’t sing. I just won’t do it.”

“Yeah I had the same thing too. I wasn’t signing. We all know the show isn’t going to be funny if it’s a non-singer singing up top.”

“Exactly.”

“What ideas are they kicking around for you?”

“Well um...one involved you if you were free….”

“Really? And what’s that?”

“Shall I send you the pages?”

“Yes. I’m at my laptop now. Want me to read them now?”

“Well I have lines too.”

“Oh we’re rehearsing it are we?”

“Maybe you’ll want to fly over...do it with me. You were amazing when you were on.”

“Well that’s the truth...Okay...ahh I see it. And it’s opening…...opening….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: The next bit is just a lot of wish fulfillment for me so I'm going to break up this one chapter into three parts so that if you want to skip over the next part then you can easily do so. Thanks.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is pure wish fulfillment and self indulgence. I really wish they'd do something like this for Benedict Cumberbatch's monologue on SNL, but since they won't then this is me making it happen for myself. This is written in screenplay format. You can skip this chapter if you just want to get back to the Freebatch.

 

 

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE  
REHEARSAL MONOLOGUE  
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH  
SHOW 11/5/2016

 

Ben  
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  
(Ben pauses as the cheers continue unceasing)  
Thank you! Thank you! I really appreciate it. My name is Benedict Cumberbatch and if you’ve never heard of me then I suppose right now you’re wondering why this horse faced man with a ridiculous name and a poncey British accent is hosting Saturday Night Live and in fact the last Saturday Night Live right before the US Presidential Election?  
(light laughter)

 

Well the answer is quite simple. SNL wanted a nice Brit to come and remind you of how in the past you’ve dealt with.... Oppression, perhaps by my Mother country, and poor leadership , also perhaps by Jolly old England. And well you fixed that whole thing by throwing your tea into the water. Which is ,of course, mad because good tea should never be wasted but never you mind.

 

(Laughter)

 

So granted that whole throwing the tea in a harbor, overthrowing King George, and then years later using part of that as the backdrop of a Broadway hit show Hamilton...alright that worked out pretty well for you. But it’s 2016. No need to have a ridiculous man in charge just so you can overthrow him and build a better country.

 

(Laughter/Applause)

 

Lin Manuel has enough founding fathers to write musicals for. He will be fine!  
(Laughter)

 

Fan Girl In the Audience #1 -- (Played by Leslie Jones)  
Ooo ooo oooo Ben!

 

Ben  
Hi.

 

Fan Girl In the Audience #1  
(She begins waving her hands)  
Ben! Beeeeeeeeeeennn!

 

Ben  
Um kinda trying to do a show right now, but okay always have time for the fans.  
(He turns to the fangirl)  
Hi. What’s up?

 

Fan Girl In the Audience #1  
Hi.

 

Ben  
Hi?

 

Fan Girl In the Audience #1  
Hi.  
(She giggles)

 

Ben  
(turning back to the audience)  
Okay. Moving on.

 

Fan Girl #2 (Played by Kate McKinnon)  
BEEEENNN!

 

Ben  
(turning to the new fangirl)  
I really shouldn’t be stopping the show to do this but if I’m going to do it then please say something other than hi. Okay?

 

Fan Girl #2  
(talking with a slight lisp)  
No, no I have a question.

 

Ben  
(smiling and then turning to look into the camera)  
Is it about my movie Doctor Strange now in theaters everywhere?

 

Fan Girl #  
Ummmm no. It’s about Sherlock.

 

Ben  
Ahh. I see.

(He turns back to the audience to explain)

 

You see I'm in a TV show based on the famous Arthur Conan Doyle stories and I play Sherlock.

 

(Applause)

 

In the show there are lots of puzzles and mysteries. So fans try to guess the secrets in between seasons.

(Ben turns back to the girl)

 

Now I'm not really supposed to say anything about the show but I guess I'm in America and the BBC can’t stop me. So which of the grand mysteries of the show do you want to know About? Moriarty’s return? The Agra treasure? More about the Magnussen fallout?

 

Fan Girl #2  
No.

 

(Laughter)

 

Fan Girl #2  
So is Sherlock and John gay for each other?

 

 

Ben  
(while twisting his hands, turning to the audience)  
You see there’s a group of devoted fan--lovely, lovely girls and boys and others who think that Sherlock Holmes is schtupping Doctor Watson or vice versa.  
(laughter)  
I figured I might get this question at some point so I brought someone along to help.  
( Audience cheers and applauds as Martin Freeman walks on stage looking a bit grumpy)

 

Martin  
Hello. Hello. Hi.  
(Martin waves)  
Um Ben?

 

Benedict  
Yes, Martin?

 

Martin  
WHY am I here?

 

Benedict  
Well to provide moral support, to give me advice since you did this before me.

 

Martin  
Yes, I did. I believe it was the highest rated program for the past 100 years or so.

 

Benedict  
Yes, I believe that’s true.

 

(laughter)

 

Benedict  
But well this young lady here

 

(Ben points, Fan Girl #2 waves excitedly)

 

And many others would like us to finally answer the question of...how did you put it?

 

Fan Girl #2  
Are Sherlock and John gay for each other?

 

Benedict  
Yes, is Sherlock and John gay for each other?

 

Martin  
Ahhhh well that’s easy….

 

Benedict and Martin Both  
No.

 

(Laughter)

 

Ben  
They’re not

 

Martin  
They’re really not.

 

Ben  
John even got married.

 

Martin  
And Sherlock....okay he stares are John a lot, but still not gay.

 

Ben  
So we hope that finally settles it. Okay?

 

Cut back to the fangirl who appears to be overwhelmed with sadness, quivering lip, watery eyes.

 

Ben  
Are you okay?

 

Fangirl  
Yes.

 

(She’s not okay)

 

Martin  
Though um Ben I suppose after years and years of build up we owe her and the other fans something.

 

(Cut back to the fangirl who is happily nodding her head yes)

 

Ben  
What do you have in mind, Martin?

 

Martin  
Well, Ben…  
(Martin turns to Ben)  
I suppose we could act out one scene.  
(Martin takes Ben in his arms and pulls him close.)  
John is a man of action so he’d take Sherlock in his arms like this.

 

Ben  
(wrapping his arms around Martin’s back)  
(The audience cheers and whoos)  
Yes, and Sherlock is a bit of a douche so he’d say something like “It’s obvious you’re going to kiss me, John. Get on with it”

 

Martin  
He WOULD say something like that.

 

Ben  
And John would probably look at him like he’s an asshole..  
(camera focuses on Martin’s face)  
Yep. Just like that.

 

Martin  
And then they’d get closer and closer and then…

 

(Ben and Martin get very, very close)

 

Ben  
And...and

 

(The audience whooos even louder)

 

(Ben and Martin break away.)

 

Ben  
And it’s going to be a really great show tonight!

 

Martin  
Solange is here!

 

Ben  
Yes she is! So stick around we’ll be right back!

 

(cut to commercial break)


	32. Chapter 32

“So what do you think?”

 

“Gatiss would murder us five times over if we did that.”

 

“We should definitely do it.”

 

“We should.”

 

“But we can’t.”

 

“Oh definitely not.”

 

“Still would be fun. You could still come to New York.”

 

“Maybe. I have to start shoot on a new film.”

 

“What’s this one?”

 

“Ghost Stories.”

 

“Ghosts, Zombies…who are you?”

 

“Just trying something different.”

 

“I have to go if I’m going to make this play tonight.”

 

“Okay. It was good to hear from you and congratulations again about the baby.”

 

“Thank you. I-I miss you, Martin. I really do.”

 

“Yeah, yeah me too. I hate that I do, but I do.”

 

“Come to Mark’s play tonight. We could talk after.”

 

“That would probably not go over well. There’ll be custody agreements and things I’ll need her to be reasonable about. Going out like that wouldn’t help things.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“When are you back here again?”

 

“Late November. But then I’m here for a while.”

 

“Gone till November…”

 

“Til then?”

 

“Alright. See ya then, Ben.”

 

“Will you email?”

 

“I will.”

 

“Thank you. Bye Martin.”

 

"Bye love."


	33. Chapter 33

So are we going to continue with the questions?

x,  
Ben


	34. Chapter 34

We could. But I left the book in Australia. Would need to find a new book.

 

-Martin


	35. Chapter 35

And I've not found a good bookstore around here yet.

 

-Martin


	36. Chapter 36

You do know the internet exists right?

 

You can buy everything there. From Dildos to Da Vinci as my friend Rob likes to say.

 

XO,

 

Ben


	37. Chapter 37

Am I desperately old fashioned for still liking to walk around a store? Pick things up? See if I like them. Try them on, if they're clothes. Have a feel for it, the look of it if its something else? Everyone keeps going on at me about finding records on the internet, ebay. But I really like going to the stores. It's good fun. I'll take you when you're here in November. You'll see that it's actually a lot better. Plus you get the thing immediately. And is the dildos a suggestion? If so I gotta say I've never been into the toy thing. I can usually work to achieve a good outcome working with what God gave me.

;)

-Martin


	38. Chapter 38

It wasn't a suggestion, not really, but I can't help but ask. Never any toys? I always took you for the adventurous type. Willing to try anything. 

 

-Ben


	39. Chapter 39

Do you doubt my prowess, Ben? Look I am adventurous. If my partner wants to use toys then I'm willing to try them but I guess I've been with pretty low key partners in the past. What did you have in mind? And feel free to go into vivid detail. 

-Martin


	40. Chapter 40

I am in a room full of people and they're wondering why I am blushing while looking at my phone. So thank you for that. They probably think I'm looking at porn or something. 

I really am not saying you couldn't do the job, if you will, on your own. Just toys can be nice if you ever wanted to give them a try. 

Personally I've enjoyed handcuffs from time to time and the odd....aide. A past lover liked to blindfold me with his silk handkerchief. It was quite erotic to give up control. I normally prefer to be the one running things but I rather enjoyed doing those things with him. You and him are actually a lot alike. In control and able to command attention without even raising your voice. It's an amazing trait. One of your sexiest non-physical traits really. 

 

I'm not a writer so I can't go into grand detail, but I suppose if you were to use that commanding voice on me. And maybe didn't mind using one of your nicer pocket squares on me then I can't imagine I wouldn't be absolutely desperate to let you do whatever you wanted with me. Though I also imagine I wouldn't last long either. I'm quite sure of it. 

I love your hands. I love how strong they are and I'd love to feel them. I'd love to move with your touch. I'd love it every time I were so lucky as to have that  from you.

And now I have to cross my legs for most of this interview. So don't reply back too quick or else I think I'll not be able to think of England and make it all go away. Or I imagine this press tour will end shortly, followed by my career once the video leaks.

I love you, Martin. Thank you for not walking away yet.

xoxxxo,

Ben

 


	41. Chapter 41

It seems odd to say something so important as this in an email so I won't. But the next time we talk I will respond to your last sentence. For now I'll say I'm glad to know you, Ben. 

My hands....my voice...you just spent a whole email flattering me. And what do I say to that but thank you. Though I'd like to thank you with more than an email. I'd like to thank you with my hands on your body, in your body....followed by other parts of me in you. My hands would love to touch you. Every part of me would like that in fact.  

So. What else about me is incredibly attractive? I'd be happy to read a list of my top ten traits. Since you miss the questions so much there ya go. Go on and maybe I'll do you one in your quid pro quo game.

 

;)

Martin


	42. Chapter 42

What’s your top ten attractive traits? You. Just you. I could list them and if that’s what it takes to get the quid pro quo then I will at the end of the email. But it’s you. Just you.

 

I’m rather exhausted right now. This is the part of the ad blitz where I’m very tired. The film is opened everywhere. We have just a few more bits of press to do and tonight is SNL. But I’m already incredibly exhausted.

 

I met Kate and she told me a story about some things you two talked about. She leaned in conspiratorially and asked me if you were as awesome as she thinks you are. I said you’re even more awesome. I like her. I can see why you spent most of your time working with her when you were here doing it. I have a few bits in the show tonight that I’m really excited to do and a few I think you’ll even like, but mostly I can’t wait for the goodnights to be said and to be done with it all. I miss my home and England and...you.

 

I had a dream once...that has turned into a full blown fantasy of mine. Lots of little details go into it...what we’re wearing or not wearing. The sun shining through the window...the crisp air...the softness of the sheets. But the end bit is you and me in bed and you’re playing me music on a portable record player and I’m listening to your favorite parts and learning why you love certain songs so much. And then we....well it gets a bit pornographic so I’ll stop there.  But I have some time in November and I was wondering if perhaps I could spend the week with you at your place? We would have to stay inside mostly, but I think that could be good. I didn’t get to finish your show so when you’re out filming I could finish the Start Up series. And theres lots of shows and films I’m sure we’ve both not seen over the past year and it could be good. It could be really, really good.

 

So let me know. And wish me luck. I need to get back to rehearsal. I am RIDICULOUSLY nervous.  It could possibly be the worst rated episode in the history of the show. I don’t know why I did this. OH GOD. OH GOD! So  any luck wishing now would be good.

 

So top ten things:

 

  1. Your ass. I’m sorry that’s so shallow, but it’s a rather nice, pert ass
  2. Your sense of humor. You can make me laugh when no one else can. And it’s incredibly sexy.
  3. Your mouth. Your lips are just….quite nice. I think about them a lot.
  4. Your thighs.
  5. Your calves.
  6. Pretty much everything below the belt.
  7. Your feet. I am not a feet guy, but I like them. They’re just so you.
  8. Your eyes. They’re mesmerizing. I could stare at them for hours.
  9. Your hands. I love them.
  10. Your nose. I adore your nose. It’s also just so you. I have a tiny thing about it. But I won’t bore you.
  11. Your smile is lovely.
  12. Your acting dedication and your talent is amazing. I want to be half as good as you one day and it’s inspiring and so damn sexy.
  13. Your taste in music and your love of music.
  14. Your fuckin neck. God I want to bury my face in that neck and just stay there.
  15. Your arms. Do you know how many times I’ve thought about them wrapped around me?
  16. Have I mentioned your arse yet? It’s really nice.
  17. Your fashion sense. My God is there anything you can’t wear and make it look devastatingly handsome? I wore a pocket square recently that reminded me of you and I looked an ass, but you would’ve made it look impeccable.
  18. And ….You
  19. You
  20. Just….you.



 

xoxoxoxoxo,

 

Ben

 


	43. Chapter 43

Yes, of course. Come. I have an entire set of films that I've been putting off. There's also an album or two on vinyl that I've wanted to share with you for about...five years.  So yes, yes, yes. Come.  I only ask that you bring a bottle with you because I'm sure I'll have none of the stuff you like and I've been a bit too busy to get around to the shops.  Break a leg and an arm and all the things required to do well tonight. I'm sure you'll do fine. You're hilarious, Ben.  You really are. 

I owe you a quid pro quo, but I'll have to give that to you in person. I'll match all of your twenty, even though you cheated a bit.

I'm going to stay up late and watch it and will text you when it's over to tell you how great you were.  Don't be nervous. Just have fun with it. That's the most important part of it all. And if you're still nervous then know there's someone out there watching who loves your idiot face and is rooting you on. 

 

XO,

 

Martin


	44. Chapter 44

I just did something a bit rash. It was about show time and there's a sketch in tonight's show that I knew might bother Sophie and the sketch...well it was about someone living a lie and I realized I am that sketch in more ways than one.  So I called to warn her about the sketch but I ended up telling her about....us. I just felt I had to tell her.  She deserved honesty from me. I don't want to leave her, but I just thought perhaps she could understand that I needed to see where this went with us. I told her I would always be there for her and Kit and our new little one and I wasn't going anywhere. I just wanted her to know that I was committed to raising our children together, but that my heart also belonged to you. And she ...didn't understand. She said I had to chose. I had to chose not only between her and you, but between her and even being involved in the show anymore. I understand her. I really do, but I'm a bit broken-hearted about it all. I've fucked it all up, Martin. I'm so sorry. I don't  know what to do. I have to head out on stage in five minutes and I can't even stop thinking about what a terrible fuck up I am. I'm sorry, Martin. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

-Ben 


	45. Chapter 45

Fuck. I think she's taken a lesson from Amanda. I woke up to this email from her:

 

> _      Martin, _
> 
> _ I've had a chance to think about it and I'd like to work on custody with you. I'm willing to agree to shared custody. However I've put great thought into the harm it would cause our children should you enter into a relationship with him and I just can't abide by that. They would become laughingstocks in their schools. They are already going through so much and I can't call myself a good mother if I don't try to stop that from happening. So I'm here to offer you options. _
> 
> _ 1) Come home and we will live under one roof until the kids are off on their own. We will maintain our relationship to the public, but can have our own discreet relationships that wouldn't interfere with our children's lives _
> 
> _ Or _
> 
> _ 2) We will remain separated but you cannot enter into a relationship with a person that will bring an additional spotlight to our lives.  _
> 
> _ I can only allow you those two options. If you do not agree then my hand will be forced and I have a friend at The Daily Mail ready to run a story about your awful cheating ways, your closeted costars, his home wrecking plans, and a lot of little bits I can come up with to make you both look truly awful. You know I can play the victim, Martin. And I will. For my children's sake. I don't want to do this. I really don't. But I know this is what I must do for us to be a happy family. _
> 
> _ Please let me know what you decide. I've booked other work so I think Sherlock should also take a break as well. For the good of our family.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ -Amanda _

 

I'm sorry I got us into this mess. I know why you told Sophie. You're a honest man. And I understand why she wants you to chose. If I were her and I had you I'd want to hold onto you as well. 

 

This is really hard and I'm going to make it easier on you. I don't want you to lose work and Amanda could do a hatchet job on you. I'm not going to let your career be fucked up by this. I can't let that happen to you because I do fuckin love you. I was going to tell you later...in person. But yeah I do. But I've come to realize too much is in the way and I want you to be happy. And from what I have seen you have been happy and will be happy with Sophie. With your beautiful boy and your new little one on the way things will only get better. So I'm going to do the right thing and tell you to forget about our plans and all the emails. I'll delete all mine. You do the same. We move on. Maybe one day we'll do the show again. Maybe we won't. You didn't know what to do. But I do. It's walk away. You might want to fight me on this but trust me I'm right. I'm older and wiser. Also handsomer. :) I actually just got word this morning that I'm heading out of town for re-shoots and I think that's a good thing that I won't be here when you get back. Go home with your wife. Try to repair what I fucked up. And just be happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world, Ben. You really do. 

 

I love you. 

Goodbye.

-Martin


	46. Chapter 46

Martin,

Got your email and I can't quite say I'm entirely surprised. After the way we left things it does seem the Sherlock story is in need of a long break. Though from your email it would appear it shall be even longer than I had planned. I suppose you've discussed this with Ben. I can't imagine you not telling him your plans. You know when you both entered that room we knew we had magic in a bottle. And the friendship you two have shared has only grown as your characters have grown. It's been a rather remarkable story to watch. Two men who didn't know they needed each other finding what they required in the other and it somehow making them whole, better, happier. I'm talking about the show of course. ;) And seeing you two as Sherlock Holmes and John Watson has been my very great pleasure. I hope that we can return to that world one day where these men might finally come to shirk off what they think is right and can finally be happy. They deserve it as they've given us so much. Being involved in this show has taught me many lessons. The chief among them being that although Sherlock has lived many lives for over a hundred years. We are not as lucky. Best of luck to you, Martin. Until we speak again.

 

Ta,

Mark


	47. Chapter 47

Sophie: Amanda, I think it’s time we talked.

Amanda: Sophie! Long time no hear. Haven't gotten a text from you in ages. I’d have to have a chat. What about?

Sophie: They’re not happy.

Amanda: Who is they?

Sophie: Come on, Amanda. You know who we’re talking about.

Amanda: I think they’ll be very happy with their family. We make the happy. I’ve made Martin happy for years.

Sophie: I can’t say the same for me and Ben. It's not been as long a you two. But I do know he’s made me happy for the past few years and I hope I’ve given him some happiness, but he deserves all the happiness he can get in this world. Don’t you want that for Martin?

Amanda: That’s a hard question to answer.

Sophie: I don’t know what happened on your end. I don’t know the specifics. I just know what Ben told me.

Amanda: Ben TOLD you?

Sophie: Yeah, he’s just honest. He couldn’t help himself. You know how he is. Can’t quite keep a secret.

Amanda: Yeah. Well at least you had that courtesy. I had to snoop around in emails to find out what happened.

Sophie: That must have hurt. I’m really sorry.

Amanda: It’s fine. I’ll move on. We’ll all move on.

Sophie: We will. But I don’t know if you’re feeling it like I’m feeling it, but the world is such a scary place. Our time in it is so short. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but I’m feeling like if I can help anyone be happier in this world then I want to try. Even if it means I might not have as much  or exactly what I wanted.

Amanda: It is very scary out there.

Sophie: It really is. And, look, I don’t want to be pregnant and considering my husband leaving me. I don’t want to think our marriage could be over before it truly began, but I don’t want to force him to stay just to keep up appearances. It doesn’t help anyone.

Amanda: It helps the kids.

Sophie. Maybe. In the short run. For some. I know lots of kids whose parents stayed together despite issues, but the children knew about the fighting. They knew their parents shared no love. It still affects them. I don’t want to do that to my children.

Amanda: Me either. I really don't.....I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.

Sophie: I’m rarely right about much. :)  But I do know that they’re both good guys. Even when they fuck up. They’re both really good guys. They deserve a chance to be happy. And ya know what? So do we. We deserve someone devoted to us in every way.

Amanda: We do. We really do.

Sophie: Me and Ben are headed back to London. Do you want to meet in person? Have some vodka for you and lots of tea for me? Maybe talk some more?

Amanda: I’d like that.

Sophie: Wonderful. I’ll shoot you some info on possible times.

Amanda: It’s a date! :)


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes when men are determined to lie then a heretofore unknown truth is revealed"

Chapter 48

 

December 18, 2016 [One day before the BBC One Sherlock Series Four Screening]

 

 

Text Message

 

11:00 Benedict: Hi

11:15 Benedict: Hi

11:18 Benedict: Friend at the times sent me a story.

11:20 Benedict: Are you okay?

11:23 Martin: I'm fine.

Benedict: I’d like to chat. We’re seeing each other tomorrow but...it’d be nice to catch up.

Martin: Hasn't been that long.

Benedict: Long enough for you to decide it’s alright to release the news and I’m guessing she’s okay with it now.

Martin: I think she is...she’s not… it’s a lot to talk about and I’m not really wanting to talk about it.

Benedict: I see.

Benedict: Anything you do want to talk about?

Martin: Ben…come on.

Benedict: Can I just say something?

Martin: Of course.

Benedict: This situation is….shit.

Martin: That it is. Yes.

Benedict: I’m sorry.

Martin: Nothing you’ve done.

Benedict: True. Can’t have helped either.

Martin: We had problems before you, Ben. Careers headed in different directions. Different ways about raising the kids. Different ideas about how to interact with others. Just…plenty of differences. Lots of similarities, of course, but we both have issues to deal with and…yeah.

Benedict: Sorry you said you didn’t want to talk about it.

Martin: And yet I am talking about it...don’t know how you do that.

Benedict: It’s my winning charm.

Martin: Definitely not that.

Benedict: :)

Martin: So tomorrow...photos and doing the dance.

Benedict: I don’t know about all that. I keep focusing on one thing. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past few months.

Martin: What’s that?

Benedict: I get to see you.

Martin: Ben….fuck’s sake.

Benedict: Sorry. But it’s the truth. The show is over. We both know it’s going to go down with a fucking thud and that’ll be it. Not like we’ll see each other much after. So sorry I’m going to hold onto this...you...tomorrow. I get to see you.  And no one can say anything to stop it. I'll see you and be with you and fuck it...I'll hug you and...it'll be good.

Martin: Ben.

Benedict: Fuckin hell, Martin. Just….give me this.

Martin: Ben.

Benedict: Can't you give me this?

Martin: I... can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s getting back into something that we both know can’t happen and my skin isn’t thick enough for it. Underbelly is exposed enough as it is. I can’t. Sorry. You know me...and… I just can’t. You understand that right?

Benedict: Yeah. Yes. Of course.

Martin: So we’ll do the dance.

Benedict: Give them some photos.

Martin: Send the show off to its final farewell.

Benedict: And then…

Martin: This is where I’d give a shrug if you were here.

Benedict: Don’t ask me what I’d do if you were here.

Martin: Email me.

Benedict: You’ll reply?

Martin: I always reply to your emails.

Benedict: You do…eventually.

Martin: Eventually.

Benedict: See you tomorrow.

Martin: Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll pick up from here....


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to tell you of the things which you already knew and I already said, but I wanted to say them again anyway.  
> I want to tell you that I wish things were different and that I didn't make the wrong choices and you didn't make the right ones.  
> I need to tell you that this isn't over just yet; because until we can say the words to each other then the story refuses to end.  
> Kiss me.  
> Kiss me.  
> Kiss me.  
> Kiss me.  
> Now.

Ben walks in to the holding room. It's a sparse space containing a long table with a few nibbles and tea sat atop. The walls are covered with the BBC Logo and there's a small couch amid a few chairs. For a holding/ green room it's about as standard as they come. He's rather immediately surrounded by two BBC staffers who were waiting for him. They apparently have the job to ensure he's aware of the schedule--The one that he hatefully already knows. The reason he knows about every minute of it was because he was looking for some time to talk to Martin in the middle of it. But it seems the day is filled with barely any time for anything but talking up this series. And since this is the the only press they'll do together then this might it for a very long time. Martin might respond to his emails here and there, but then what?

Ben and Sophie had talked once he was finally back home. She had spoken to Amanda, but wouldn't say what they discussed. At the end of it all she kept focusing on their choice. She sat back in her chair and tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and blew on her tea. Kit was crawling about the floor playing with the new stuffed dog Ben had brought him. Ben smiled as Kit made the doggie crawl next to him while stopping every few steps to drag the dog along further.

"We're in this together, Ben. This is a partnership we both chose. We both know it wasn't an easy decision, but I think it's one we both want. We want marriage and kids and all the good stuff that comes with it right?"

At that very moment Kit gave a happy giggle and Ben couldn't help but smile. It was what he wanted. It might not be perfect, but what the hell is?

So they agreed that the partnership definitely wasn't meant to be over, but they did decide that things would be more open. She had things she wanted and it was obvious Ben did too so they enacted a "Don't ask, Don't tell unless it's absolutely bloody necessary" policy. Not what he wanted, but it was something to hold onto. And she did seem to care about his happiness more than he would expect a wife would in this situation.

Ben keeps listening, but looks around the two talking staffers and sees Mark with Amanda. Her shoulders appear tight and she's standing unmoving as she listens. Mark's talking to her with a smile on his face. Not a hint of one can be found on hers and he wonders if he should say something to her.

Ben then sees Mark step forward and give her a side hug. Mark leans his head sideway onto hers. She finally gives a smile and looks around. It's then that Ben catches her eye. He isn't sure what to say or do. He gives her a smile. Amanda simply nods then turns away. Mark notices then ushers her over to the table filled with refreshments.

The door opens to find Sue and Steven walk in behind Benedict. They don't stop to speak rather Steven gives his shoulder a brief squeeze and Sue smiles. She mouths the words "join us when you're done."

Ben wishes they would interrupt. He won't be rude to the people just doing their job, but he wishes they would let him be. He'll do and say whatever they want. He just wants to talk to Martin.

His eyes land on the man who walks past him without a word. Everyone smiles his way. Martin gives a hearty hug to Mark then kisses Amanda on the cheek. She says something which makes him laugh and he reaches out to take a small carrot before popping it in his mouth. The man seems relaxed and okay. But he's not looking at Ben and something about that hurts.

Ben realises he's not breathing so he takes a deep breath which doesn't go unnoticed by the two staffers.

"Um that just about does it," the second staffer with the Ellie name tag says.

"Yep. So again she's Ellie and I'm Will. Anything you need Mr. Cumberbatch and we'll get it done. And you'll be emailed any updates."

Ben wouldn't normally ask but desperate times...

"Um," Ben tries to word this in the least suspicious way. "I need to...make a private call. Would there be a room or anywhere I can tuck into for a bit?"

"Uh...," Will begins. Ben notes he looks terrified that Ben will just go in the room and forget he has a show to promote.

"Promise it won't be long. Just...details of a film I'm doing and--"

The staffer Ellie cuts him off. "No need to explain." She gives him a kind smile and ushers him away from a confused Will. They're out the door and down a corridor a few paces away. Soon they're at a small office with just a desk and nothing more...not even a window . It's perfect. "Will this work?"

Ben smiles at her and wants to buy her a car. "Thank you, Ellie. I truly appreciate this."

"No worries!" She smiles and closes the door. Outside Ben can hear a dull murmur but it's much quieter. He tries to get his bearings with a few deep breaths in and out, in and out, in and out. He closes his eyes and tries to ignore the ache inside him.

A lot of people in the world never meet someone they'll fall love with and Ben has had that at least three times. His cup runneth over with luck in that department, but to know he can't ever....it's an ache that he can't imagine moving past any time soon.

His mind fills with images of Martin walking casually in and not looking at him, of Martin kissing Amanda, of Martin with Mark, of Martin who is already in a shit situation and Ben knows his actions aren't helping and he has to stop this.

He decides he just has to get back out there and , as Martin says, do the dance. They'll finish this press up and maybe this is it, but he won't make it harder for Martin. Ben walks towards the door when there's a small knock at the door. His brows knit together in confusion and he says "come in" without thinking.

The door opens just a bit and Martin pokes his head in and says, "Oh there you are. I thought she said third door on the left. I went into an office and I think I accidentally sold the BBC. So we're all out of jobs."

Ben laughs as Martin enters the room entirely and closes the door.

"Out of one either way once people see it," Ben says. "They'll be needing those Baftas back any day now."

"It's not bad, Ben."

"Retrafta and we both know it."

"Well I don't know about you but I've been wrong about things before so I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt."

Ben shrugs. "We'll see."

"That we shall," Martin says then looks around the office taking in the small space then back at Ben. Martin meets his gaze full on. He smiles. "Hi."

Ben's heart breaks just a bit at the simple greeting. "Hi," he replies.

He doesn't mean to just stare at Martin but he hasn't seen the man for months and months. After all they've talked about and been through and the man is finally here. He can't help but stare at him. And it seems Martin can't help but do the same as he bites at his bottom lip then unfurls back into a broad smile.

"Hi." Martin says again then he's taking a step forward.

Ben has time to brace himself before he's pushed back into a sitting position on the desk and then Martin is kissing him.

Martin is kissing Ben and Ben is kissing him back and fuck he knows he's not a 12 year old who just got his first kiss but it feels just like that. Like something wholly new and wonderful is happening to him. Martin's hands are firmly holding onto each of his shoulders. And that grounding feeling is wonderful all on its own. Martin's lips are somehow far more plush and soft than Ben could've ever imagined and Ben finds himself drowning in the kiss until Martin pulls back. Ben's eyes open to see Martin look at him then softly say his name.

"Ben."

Ben swallows. "Yeah?"

"You're....crying."

"What?" Ben's hands fly to his eyes and cheeks and he feels wetness and realises that yes he is crying.

Martin doesn't laugh at him, but he does quirk a smile.

"Sorry," Ben says. "Sorry. I...um." Ben wipes at his face with the back of his hand and tries to think of something funny to say.

"I'm sorry," Martin says which isn't funny at all, especially as his tone is cut with sadness. "I just wanted to... just once. And when I asked that staffer Ellie where you went. I just figured if this is the final time we'll see each other for a while then..." His words seem to peter out and Martin looks away from Ben. Then adds "Plus you look very good in that suit."

"Thank you," Ben says. "I dressed up for the occasion unlike some people."

Martin laughs. "I figured I just wanted to be comfy and stylish. Besides everyone else was going to be dressed up. More cool to dress down."

Ben nods. "And you are...cool."

Martin huffs out a laugh.

A silence falls over the room then. Ben knows he needs to say something else. Martin steps forward then sits right next to Ben on the desk. He begins speaking but doesn't look at Ben rather his eyes appears focused on the door ahead.

"I wish it was different. That we met and we immediately did something about it or we figured it out earlier." He sighs.

Ben's tries to stop the day dream forming in his head at Martin's words. What if they had figured it out earlier and did something about it? What would've happened with the show and their careers? He wouldn't have Kit or his second on the way. Martin wouldn't have had those extra years living at home in one home with his kids. They'd have had each other for a bit but how soon after would they have regretted it?

"You and Soph got it all worked out?" Martin says and finally looks at Ben.

Ben turns to look in his eyes. Fuck what anyone has ever said about his eyes Martin has fucking amazing eyes. "Yeah," Ben says. "We're going to have an open--"

A knock at the door and in walks Mark before either of them can say anything. Neither man seems surprised that Mark somehow knew where to find them.

"Are you both okay for today?"

Martin doesn't miss a beat and gives a laugh. "For today yes. Tomorrow I may need to jump in the Thames."

"Well you're someone else's problem then so that works for me," Mark says with a laugh. "We ready to get out there then?"

Ben looks at Martin. Their moment is over , but he had this. It's something.

"Ready," Ben says.

"Fucking ready," Martin says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two break my heart. Idiots.   
> Ellie recognised anxiety and a panic attack coming on. So she helps him like all lovely people would in that situation.


	50. Chapter 50

_February 2017_

 

Martin: Well it went down like a fuckin thud.  
Benedict: It would appear that way.  
Martin: I can't say I'm not unhappy with that.  
Benedict: What do you mean?  
Martin: Well they won't be asking for more anytime soon.  
Benedict: True. Very true.  
Martin: So it works out. We actually make things a bit easier on ourselves for a while. People stop asking for more of the show and we can spend plenty of time on other things. I've got about 4 or 5 small spread out over the next few months. You?  
Benedict: Same. You're working with James on a play as well right?  
Martin: I am. But I've been meaning to say...  
Benedict: I shouldn't go see it?  
Martin: I'm not saying you shouldn't. You're welcome to come but...yeah. I'm asking you not to see it.  
Benedict: Why?  
Martin: Because yeah it'll hurt alright? Bit exposed still.  
Benedict: YOU'RE exposed? You?  
Martin: Ben.  
Benedict: I'm in love with you. That's as exposed as it gets, Martin.  
Martin: That's rich. You're in love with me?   
Benedict: Why are you questioning that? I've been very transparent. I love you, Martin.   
Martin: Right well. Look I'd prefer if you didn't see it. And we won't be seeing each other for a while and the show is all but said and done. So right. I'll be a bit busy yeah?  
Benedict: What's happening? Why are you being like this?  
Martin: Give Sophie my love.  
Benedict: What's that supposed to mean?  
Benedict: Martin?  
Benedict: Martin...  
Benedict: Fine.


End file.
